Watching: Buffy. It's really, really good this season. Although I am one of the four people in the country who didn't think last season sucked, but this one is shaping up to be excellent. (I'm having serious Spike issues after last week's episode, though.) Also watching: My Sports Night DVDs. I am not sure it is possible to ever explain the unbridled passion I have for this show. Almost every time I watch any episode, I feel compelled to transcribe it, just so I can look at the words whenever I want. I will now and forever worship at the altar of Aaron Sorkin. Reading: I have seven thousand books waiting to be read, but alas, no time to read them. Because of this, I was on my way to the bookstore after work tonight to pick up the first Donna Tartt book, when my friend Sally stopped by my desk and told me she was on her way to the MAC store at Pentagon City. Well, you can guess what happened there. (Studio Fix in N5, Ebony eye pencil, Blasé eye shadow, and Retro lipstick. I cannot be stopped.) Listening: To "Snobby Music for Peppy People," a CD of happy classical music put together by Rob, the journaling community's snobby music expert, in response to a request from me for, well, happy classical music. For someone who took classical piano lessons for nine years, I am surprisingly ignorant about classical music. I like the Amadeus soundtrack, and the Messiah, and Orff's Carmina Burana, but that is about all I recognize. Carmina Burana, by the way, contains my recessional. I know what you're thinking, that I'm probably getting a little ahead of myself, picking out wedding music, but I'm a girl, so I've been mulling over these decisions since approximately 1984. And my recessional will be the Ecce Gratum chorus, because it is pure joy.

All right, I suck. I swore to myself I wouldn't let an entire month go by without updating, and sure enough, it has been one month and one day. Crap.

So, what the hell has been going on with me lately, anyway? I am keeping busy, that is for sure. I'm still temping, though I did get a promotion (which hasn't exactly gone through yet because apparently everyone is too busy to take care of the paperwork) but SOON I shall be working at this firm as a contract attorney, instead of a lowly legal temp.

This is quite cool for a number of reasons. First of all, "contract attorney" looks way better on a resume than "legal assistant." Secondly, it will mean more cash. Thirdly, I will be doing actual, real, live attorney work, the same things the associates on the case are doing, instead of spending my days screaming at a photocopier.

(What I'm photocopying, by the way, is incredibly interesting and quite high-profile. I actually recently discovered that I am allowed to tell you what the case is, but I'm not quite convinced it's such a good idea to do so here. But, well, think accounting scandal. Woo.)

I should point out that, once the senior associate dots the i's and crosses the t's, it will be the first time I will be paid for being a lawyer.

Only took two and a half years.

You know what I actually do want to talk about? The sheer ludicrousness that is the Amazon Gold Box thing.

Should you happen to not stalk Amazon the way most red-blooded Americans do, the Gold Box is basically this really silly "Let's Make a Deal" kind of way of getting rid of what is probably overstock. Once you "open" your Gold Box, you have an hour to look at the ten items in it. They pass by one by one. If you like one, you can buy it, but then you can't find out what else in your box. If you don't like it, you can look at the next thing, but you can't go back and buy anything from before. And it updates once a day, so if you go through it and don't buy anything, you have a whole new set of stuff waiting for you 24 hours later.

And apparently there are some pretty good deals to be had in there. The problem is, it's on some really stupid stuff.

No, really.

Item #1: HP HP39G Algebraic Graphing Calculator - [Electronics]

List Price: $99.99 Our Price: $89.99. You normally save: $10.00 +Gold Box Coupon: $13.50 Act now and save: $23.50 (27%) Special Gold Box Price: $76.49

Okay, first of all, let's talk about all the crap they put up in explaining to you how much it costs. As though there is any point in giving you sixteen different dollar amounts except to confuse you. More on that later.

The real issue, of course, is what exactly I would do with an algebraic graphing calculator. The name itself strikes horror in my heart, sends me flashing back to 10th grade and Mr. R.'s Algebra II Honors class. (What I was doing in honors math, I have no idea.).

Actually, now that I think about it, I had a bit of a crush on Mr. R. And really, if we're being honest here, I have to admit that I was a bit of a teacher's pet in his class. He was kind of dreamy, in that married Christian 10th-grade math teacher kind of way. And he used to do all kinds of things besides teach us math. One day, he had a little contest to see if any of us could name all Seven Dwarves, then we had to come up with new names for them, and then we had to pick someone from the class who fit the new name.

However, when we came back from Christmas break, he wasn't so much fun anymore, and we decided they must have kicked his ass for being so non-teachy. And, alas, my days as teacher's pet were over, too.

Sigh. Anyway, where was I?

Item #2: Texas Instruments TI86 Graphing Calculator - [Electronics]

List Price: $150.00 Our Price: $119.99. You normally save: $30.01 +Gold Box Coupon: $18.00 Act now and save: $48.01 (32%) Special Gold Box Price: $101.99

Okay, you know what? I didn't want a graphing calculator when it only would have cost me $76.49. Why would I want one that costs $101.99? I doubt I'd be able to figure out how to turn the thing on, much less create a graph, much less understand what the graph was supposed to mean, anyway.

The cord alone is enough to frighten me. Both ends are the same! What is that about?

Item #3: Magellan SporTrak Pro Handheld GPS - [Electronics]

List Price: $299.99 Our Price: $249.99 You normally save: $50.00 Buy Now! Get Gold Box instant rebate on your order: $37.50

See what I mean? Now they don't even tell you how much your total is! It's $249.99 minus $37.50 (whatever that is... I'd probably be able graph it for you if I had one of those calculators), but it's certainly not only $37.50, which is the nice bolded price.

And again, I can't think of a single thing I'd do with this except that GPS game they have online, and really, I'm much too lazy to go tramping around in the wilderness when there's no cash involved. Even if there were cash involved, I'm still not sure I'd be sufficiently motivated.

Item #4: Logitech WingMan Rumble Pad - [Electronics]

Our Price: $29.99 Gold Box Coupon: $4.50 Act Now and Save: $4.50 (15%) Special Gold Box Price: $25.49

Back in my day, we called 'em joysticks. Besides, what would I use it to rumble? My Sims?

Item #5: Linksys Wireless 4-Port Cable/DSL Router - [Electronics]

List Price: $129.99 Our Price: $99.95 You Normally Save: $30.04 + Gold Box Coupon: $14.99 Act Now and Save: $45.03 (34%) Special Gold Box Price: $84.96

I only barely, barely understand what this is for. If I had four computers, and needed them to be hooked up to the internet, and didn't want cords, I suppose I would be in the market for this. But alas, I just have the one, and as it's a desktop, it sort of has to be stationary, so the old-fashioned wires are just fine with me.

Item #6: Motorola Disney Princess Two-Way Radio (Pair) - [Electronics]

List Price: $59.99 Our Price: $49.99 You Normally Save: $10.00 Buy now! Get Gold Box instant rebate on your order: $7.50

Again with the big price fake-out. Sassy Disney Princess walkie-talkies for only $7.50? Fools, ye mortals!

Then again, if you're a 12-year-old girl, they might be worth $49.99 minus $7.50...

Item #7: Zeroll Aluminum Anti-Freeze Ice Cream Scoop - [Kitchen]

Our Price: $20.99 - Gold Box Coupon: $3.99 Act Now and Save: $3.99 (19%) Special Gold Box Price: $17.00

All right, people, listen up. No matter how successful I become in life, I am giving every last one of you permission to smack me around if I ever spend seventeen dollars on an ice cream scoop.

Besides which, you're kidding yourselves if you think that a woman living alone ever bothers with an ice cream scoop, anyway.

Item #8: Braun Oral-B MD15 Oxy Jet Oral Irrigator - [Kitchen]

List Price: $55.00 Our Price: $29.99 You Normally Save: $25.01 + Gold Box Coupon: $4.50 Act Now and Save: $29.51 (53%) Special Gold Box Price: $25.49

An "oral irrigator"?

Uh, no.

(And why is this a [Kitchen] item? Is Amazon afraid to say [Bathroom]? I am baffled.)

Item #9: Sony MZ-S1 Net Minidisc Player - [Electronics]

List Price: $229.99 Our Price: $179.99 You Normally Save: $50.00 Buy now! Get Gold Box instant rebate on your order: $27.00

Am I correct in understanding that, in order to use a minidisc player, I would have to acquire some minidiscs? So I wouldn't really be saving the $27.00, because I'd have to use it to buy minidiscs.

What the hell is a minidisc, anyway?

Item #10: Matchbox Back to School 10 Pack with Yellow Backpack - [Toy]

List Price: $11.99 Our Price: $6.00 You Normally Save: $5.99 + Gold Box Coupon: $1.20 Act Now and Save: $7.19 (59%) Special Gold Box Price: $4.80

You know, this one doesn't have a picture. Which is sad, because without the picture, I don't really know what this is. And I might have bought it, too, as it was less than five bucks, and really, I'll spend five bucks on anything, except a toy I don't understand.

Are we talking about Matchbox cars? So it is a 10-pack of back to school Matchbox cars? If so, what is the defining characteristic of a back to school Matchbox car? What makes it different from all the other Matchbox cars? Where does the yellow backpack fit in?

Sigh. Do you suppose Amazon came up with this scheme just to torture me?

Or, perhaps, just so I could torture you?